Overruled!

I was stunned recently when I was chosen to serve on a jury. I thought for sure the defense lawyer, especially, would not want me on this particular case. But after a full day and a half of choosing jurors, it was announced to the 40-plus people still in the courtroom that juror seat number 11 would be mine for the next five days at least. And so it was. (And yes, thanks to me and 11 other jurors, we found the defendant guilty of two out of the three charges. I am a superhero of justice.)

While being in court had its slow, oh-my-gosh-I-can't-keep-my-eyes-open-any-longer moments, it actually had many more interesting and eye-opening ones. I learned quite a bit from my experience and rushed home each evening to try out my new skills on the family. For instance, when my eleven and twelve year-old argued, as usual, over something completely irritating, I asked them to both explain the problem to me as they saw it. I reminded them that they were under oath. When one of them objected to the other's rendition of the issue at hand I either "sustained" the protest or stated, "I'll allow it." I then went into questioning mode, warning them I would not automatically take any evidence they offered as being proof of the truth. I could tell they were impressed with my legal-ease and it seemed to put an end to the fighting. (Either that or they decided that they would rather deal with their differences than have Mom pretend she was a hot-shot lawyer or honorable judge. Whatever. It worked and peace reigned once again in our family--for about 47 minutes.)

Since I was on a roll, I attempted to ask my husband in a conversation about our weekend plans while he watched the news. Upon seeing the puzzled look on his face ("Huh? You talking to me?"), I withdrew my question and told him, "We'll take a short recess." I then waited for commercial break. As Hubby continued in his confused state and why I needed to talk about it "now", I simply retorted, "I'll re-phrase the question." Before Charles Gibson reappeared on the screen and after only a few, "I objects" from me, the two of us were able to firm up satisfactory plans in record time, making both parties happy.

So here is my closing statement: I have renewed respect for our justice system, but I have officially retired from practicing law. Five days was enough. My family, as you may guess, unanimously supports this decision.